Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Thundersnow Circumnavigation

I often have a difficult time simply sitting down and focusing in one particular area when it comes to writing this blog, which is probably why I haven't updated it regularly.  I want it to be informative about what I am up to professionally, but find that I express myself in the best way when using personal experience as a base.  
Taking an idea from its inception in my own head and vocalizing it to the ears of the world, always stirs up a combination of fear and excitement that gets my blood pumping au quotidien. Most days I am able to forge ahead and make progress on my passion projects, but other times life comes along with its trials that can tempt me to get in my own way.  The worst part is when I let it.  I am a sensitive creature that is often ruled by emotion, and sometimes worry that that emanates a lack of inner strength and self-assurance, but then I see the contrary in some of my outlandishly ballsy behavior.  In moments when my emotions have gotten the better of me, I tended to forget what I am made of, reach out, act out or lash out to keep from having to deal with vulnerability.  What I had forgotten along the way is that being vulnerable takes ultimate courage.  Creating a hard coating around a soft, sensitive center may feel like protection, but in turn comes off as false strength which undermines any kind of honest communication that might have been intended.  In the end nothing feels as good as being true to who you are in every moment, even if that moment is overwhelmed by emotion. 

After spending at least the last six months in geographic transition, I had been craving a physical place to call my own.  I arrived in Santa Barbara, California a short time ago out of desperation, and had absolutely no intention of sticking around for very long.  What I have discovered in my brief time here is nothing short of spectacular.  This city has a sense of interwoven support for its artists and musicians that I have never quite experienced.  There is an openness to create, collaborate and exalt all types of artistry, while involving the rest of the community by educating as many people as possible along the way.  Perhaps I had spent too much time in cities like Los Angeles, New York, and Paris to feel optimistic that there was a better way to success as an artist than individually clawing and scratching your way to the top at the expense of anyone who appeared to impede your path.  I never particularly warmed to that style of doing things, because it fought against everything I stood for as a human being.  My optimism has been renewed in simply being here in this place where the sun shines, the ocean meets the shore, and you don't have to be a bitchy hardass to get things accomplished, in fact that seems a sure fire way to exile yourself around these parts.  
If you had asked me two months ago where I thought I would end up living, Santa Barbara would probably not have been anywhere near that list.  Life has a funny way of giving you everything you ask for, but experience is teaching me that it rarely arrives in the package one expects.  I am now happily settled in a great house with a garden that grows vegetables, a vintage O'Keefe & Merritt gas stove, with a kitchen that begs to be cooked in, and am a very walkable distance to downtown and the beach.  While most of the northern hemisphere is covered in snow, I wake up everyday to blue skies, sunshine, and a temperate 70 degrees Fahrenheit (21 Celsius for my friends across the globe) that beckons me to keep going on a journey that is rarely easy, but amongst all the strife brings unparalleled moments of joy and beauty.         

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